Podcast: Clutter vs Hoarding- How to Live Clutter Free

Tracy McCubbin: I love this one because people break through this, I genuinely understand them start to shine. Clutter block number 5, I’m not worth my good stuff. So this is beings with clothes, with tags on them in their closet. Oh, that’s too nice. I’m saving that for a special occasion. You know, don’t use grandma’s beautiful pottery. Don’t burn the smelly, expensive candle. There’s this someday far away time when all this nonsense is going to be relevant or it is the perfect day to use it. And you are aware, I live in California and we have just gone through another catastrophic round of wildfires and so many people have lost their residences. And one thing that I always think about is like what nonsense burned in those residences that they never got to enjoy? You know, if not today, when? Because we’re really not guaranteed tomorrow. Are we?

Gabe Howard: This one genuinely spoke to me a great deal. Our production assistant for this podcast. We’ve known each other for a long, long time. And she said that all growing up, her grandmother would tell her over and over and over again. This is for a special occasion. This is for a special occasion. We’re saving it for good, was exactly what she said. And my friend cleaned out her grandmother’s room after she passed away. And it felt all of this nonsense still wrapped in all of its boxes, still waiting for good. And her grandmother’s life was over. So good literally never came. And it just made her remember, wow. In my grandmother’s entire life, she never thought that it was good enough to use, you know, this china, this tablecloth and these were small things, the things that she was saving for good were things that her grandmother, who had limited means and grew up in rural Ohio, could render. And still, she never thought that it arrived.

Tracy McCubbin: I know, it precisely divulges my center. Right? You just think here’s this woman that I’m sure probably working hard and collected a family and you know of anybody, she deserved to eat off of that nice tablecloth.

Gabe Howard: Right.

Tracy McCubbin: Just enjoy the feeling, like even if it’s takeout, Chinese or Thai takeout like burn the nice candles. So this one, when people genuinely tell this settle and they start, you know what? I’m worth noting. I just see them start to soar. I adore it. I got a text from person the other day who read the book, she said. I’m just finishing up the book. And I ignite the very expensive, smelly candle that I had never wanted to burn. And it just made me absolutely delighted. So this one. Great. And you know, the interesting thing about this one too, this jumble block is really passed down generationally. Like you were saying about your best friend, specially if you have parents or grandparents who lived through the depression or the World Wars. You know, there’s a real doctrine of moderation as a perfection and

Gabe Howard: Right.

Tracy McCubbin: That there will be better period. So we’re gonna save it for that. So I think that sometimes this is a real sort of family constellation story, if that makes sense.

Gabe Howard: It does, it does. Your family’s appraises are your values. So if your grandmother thought that nothing in her life was good enough for the good china and the good tablecloth she surpasses that onto, you where now you’re waiting for something to be good enough for the good China and the good tablecloth. And then you’re going to pass that on to your children. And we just need to break the round. You know, Big Macs are delicious. Put it on the good China, articulated it on the good tablecloth and and and raise a glass to your loved ones. Right? That’s why we work to buy these beautiful things to share with those that we affection. And that’s good enough,

Tracy McCubbin: And that we’re worth noting. Right?

Gabe Howard: Right.

Tracy McCubbin: We’re importance the delightful stuff, like wear this sweater that you love. Well, what if I get a stain on it? Well, then don’t buy it in the first place. But I think that’s so interesting because that all steps right into clutter block count 6, which is trapped with other people’s stuff. And this is really about this trash we literally acquire from people who have passed on. And talk about inheriting a story. I have more exchanges/ heated debates about the value of something that someone’s great grandmother left them and she swear that it was going to make them a million dollars. And, you know, I can’t get rid of this. You know, the secretary, even though I never use it because it was my great grandmother’s and she said it was a Louis XIV and I’m in to get a million dollars for it. And it lives in the garage and is being eaten by termites.

Gabe Howard: Right.

Tracy McCubbin: You know that we’ve told ourselves this story. And here’s what I will let the people know. Furniture is a diminishing asset. It is a tool that you buy to use. It is very, extremely, very rare. Extremely rare. No matter what Antiques Roadshow tells you, it’s very rare that you’re going to sell furniture at a profit or even at expense. So parties get stuck in this idea that this was worth something and I can’t let go of it. But this is something that, Gabe, this where the rememberings came to see you, right? That we look

Gabe Howard: Right.

Tracy McCubbin: At this thing and we think about that person that we lost. And I just did a speaking episode and this woman was talking about how she has a bag like a plastic shopping bag on her dresser that she looks at every morning that is full of the writes that were on her mother’s nightstand when her mother guided. And she started to cry when she said it. And I said, well, does it move you happy to look at it? And she said , no, it just separates my heart and reminds me of that night, but I can’t let go of them because I feel, And what I filled in for her, do you feel like you’re losing her all over again if you were to get rid of them? And she said, right. And I said, well, why don’t you make a swap out when you get rid of the pens and why don’t you find a photo of one of your favorite dates with her or a figurine or a knick forte that she loved, so that when you look at it in that same residence, “youre thinking about” her. But you remember your best days.

Gabe Howard: I like that a good deal. A lot.

Tracy McCubbin: Yeah, and I feel, you know, the loss is so hard that we don’t want to forget the person. And I fully stole this from Dr. Phil, so I have to give him credit. He always says, you are aware, the amount of time you devote grieving person in no way reflects how much you enjoyed them. And I always like to say the amount of stuff that you keep from someone who’s passed away in no way manifests how much you love them. You don’t need to have a house full of furniture that you dislike because it reminds you of your grandmother. You can have one thing that you love. And I think that memory is actually stronger and more cherished.

Gabe Howard: Now, the last feelings jumble block, if I understand it properly, I think in some ways is perhaps “the worlds largest” relatable. It’s the stuff I obstruct paid under. Can you explain the reasons to us?

Tracy McCubbin: This is the stuff that we wasted fund on. We know we’re really never going to use, but we can’t let go of it because we paid good coin for it. So “its certainly true it is” confronting our expend practices. And sometimes you just have to admit you “re making a mistake”. Right? Sometimes you time bought the erroneous pocket. This is the stuff that you stop paying for. This is where you just have to admit, you know what? I made a mistake. I made a bad decision. I don’t need to keep castigating myself over and over again that it was bad. Like let it go. Maybe donate it to somebody who can use it, but precisely don’t hang on to it just because you paid a great deal of money for it.

Gabe Howard: It’s almost like you’re compensate twice, right? You’re paying for the initial acquisition and then by let it contained you back or remind you of negatives or in some cases it actually has outlays that move forward.

Tracy McCubbin: The immense pattern is off-site storage,

Gabe Howard: Oh, yes.

Tracy McCubbin: Those people whose garage is so full and live is so full that they are renting offsite storage for the stuff that they think they need. I personally have been in, I don’t know, a thousand storage units. I have never formerly recognized anything more valuable in that storage than they paid to collect it. So it’s really, like you said, ongoing cost.

Gabe Howard: I cannot tell you how much I agree with that statement. And that leadings me to my next question. So I imagine that everybody is going to find an feelings clutter block that they belong in and they’re going to think to themselves, I’ve got to let go of some of this substance. But now we’re stuck again, because as much as I would love to say, hey, time chuck it on the kerb. People don’t like that plan. Do you have any recommendations of what to do with this nonsense? Now that we’re finally willing to let go of it?

Tracy McCubbin: I do. That’s a great question. You know, I’m part Scottish, so I’m exceedingly thrifty and I believe in recycling and abbreviating and all that stuff. And here’s the thing about making start of it. There are amazing parties. There are the big ones, the Goodwill and the Salvation Army. But if you do a teeny fragment of due diligence, there are excellent organizations locally that will take almost everything. Some of it is just trash and there’s no way around that. And as much as I hate to fill the landfill. But for example, animal relief establishments, they are able to take your old-fashioned expanses. They will make your discoloured towels. They go through that material and it gets put to huge usage. So it doesn’t merely fill in the landfill, right? Merely quit a suitcase off to them. Old cases that exist in good, clean, operating plight. Companies that work with foster care, kids, you know, there are so many immense regions to give. That with simply a little bit of research. On my Web site, TracyMcCubbin.com, I actually have a resource guide to what I called self-conscious donating. So anticipating a little bit outside the box and homes that you can look in your own area.

Tracy McCubbin: So that’s a great resource for parties. And also sometimes, just ask your friend, you are aware, your partner or your housekeeper. A immense floor about this is a client of mine out here. Her mom very suddenly made a turn for the worse, had to kept her in expedited living and was lodge with a houseful of furniture in St. Louis. She lived out here. Mom was in St. Louis. You know, I don’t time to do an property sale. There’s a lot to bequeath. I got to do this really fast. And my suggestion to her is like, why don’t you really put a knot of characterizations on your Facebook page? Can I call out to people in the neighborhood? Her family was from there and her first cousin’s kid was moving into his first suite with his roommates after college and first employment and didn’t have a lot of money. They were like, we’ll take it all. Came over with U-Haul and a entire bunch of young chaps loaded up and set up their first apartment. So with a little bit of campaign, you can find homes for a lot of staff.

Gabe Howard: I like what you said there about donating it to people’s firstly apartments, because I retain my first accommodation was fully, perfectly furnished by hand-me-downs and I have such improbably positive storages of that accommodation, even though my house now has much nicer stuff because my financial situation has changed and now I get to give the hand-me-downs so the younger people in my life are now utilizing my stuff. It’s fun to walk into somebody’s house and accompany the kitchen counter that I bought 25 years ago now living in their home, it’s nice. Now when you donate to a philanthropy, you don’t always get to see that. But just know that it’s out there, right? Just known better your nonsense is available in the wildernes, creating joy and practicality to other people who can’t render it because they’re still young. So you’re giving them the side up that everyone is got when we were younger. I think it’s a great way to pay it literally backwards.

Tracy McCubbin: Yeah. So I collaborating with a purchaser this weekend. She has twins and they were aging out of a whole bunch of babe equipment, right? They get all that stuff. They age out and her housekeeper goes once a month to work with a church in Tijuana. And she took everything. And, you know, everything was gonna find a dwelling. All that nonsense was gonna be put to use. And it just made my purchaser so happy. You know, it saw us so happy. It was like such a full circle moment, especially for those of us who letting disappear is a little bit harder. You know, some of us, we can let go. And jumble is not an issue. But for those of us who are a little more affixed, I ever say, like, find the thing that speaks to you. Where do you want to give of yourself? Is it the extricate swine or is it foster kids? Is it the veterinaries? Whatever it is, if you be provided to that society, it’s your neighbor. You know, whatever it is, it’s gonna be so much easier to let go because, you know, it’s being put to good use.

Gabe Howard: So we’re almost at the end of the substantiate, and I have my final question, and I think it’s one that people are really thinking here of a lot. So you’ve done it, you’ve affirmed your house is now clutter free. You’re celebrating, you’re coordinated, everything is wonderful. But then something happens called clutter glide. How do we is an impediment?

Tracy McCubbin: The jumble crawling is really about a couple of things. It’s about awareness of what you’re the purchase and what you’re bringing into your home. What I tell consumers is instead of saying, oh, I need this. I need this, start saying I crave this. I miss this thing. So then you “ve realized that” you don’t really required to. And then it’s also about looking at your cavity. Right? Can you cleaning process the apartment in 20 minutes or less? Can you threw everything back? Let’s go and get onto ready for the next day or busines “re coming”. If it makes you more than 20 minutes to do that, then that jumble is actually is now starting sneak back in. But it’s a real grade of consciousness and awareness and a lot like dieting. You know, you could do the big-hearted fast and you can lose 10 pounds really quickly, but then you have to change your relationship to food to stay there. And it’s the same thing. We’ve got to change our relationship to our stuff. We have to understand that we need to own our trash and our nonsense shouldn’t own us.

Gabe Howard: I affection that, Tracy. Thank you so much better. Now the identify of your work is Making Space Clutter Free: The Last Book On Decluttering You’ll Ever Need. Where can kinfolks find you and where can kinfolks get your notebook?

Tracy McCubbin: TracyMcCubbin.com . M C C U B B I N flecked com is where they can come and visit me. Book is at Amazon. Book is at Barnes& Noble. It’s on audio, if you don’t want any more book clutter. And then I’m really pretty active on Instagram. Tracy_McCubbin and Facebook, @ThisIsTracyMcCubbin. So I’m kind of all over the place and pretty easy to find.

Gabe Howard: Well, thank you for coming in and I’m glad we learnt you.

Tracy McCubbin: Thank you for having me, Gabe, and have a really lovely day.

Gabe Howard: You’re very, very welcome. And listen up, everybody, we need you to do a couple of things for us to support the podcast. Please rank us. Review us. Use your words and tell people why you like us. And don’t forget to share us on social media. We admire all the shout outs. And remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, cheap, private online counseling anytime, anywhere, simply by visiting you. BetterHelp.com/ PsychCentral. We will see everyone next week.

Announcer: You’ve even listen to The Psych Central Podcast. Want your gathering to be wowed at your next episode? Feature an impression and LIVE RECORDING of the Psych Central Podcast privilege from your theatre! For more details, or to book an phenomenon, delight email us at show @psychcentral. com. Previous incidents can be found at PsychCentral.com/ Show or on your favorite podcast participate. Psych Central is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website run by mental health professionals. Overseen by Dr. John Grohol, Psych Central offers relied resources and quizzes to help answer your questions about mental health, personality, psychotherapy, and more. Please visit us today at PsychCentral.com. To learn more about our multitude, Gabe Howard, please visit his website at gabehoward.com. Thank you for listening and delight share with your friends, category, and followers.

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